Thoughts on How to Pray

How are we to pray? Prayer is a weighty matter. When we pray, we’re requesting an audience with the King of kings. If we’re called to participate in such a privileged exercise without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), it seems to me we ought to take care to do it right.

I should clarify that we need not stress over how to pray. Because we’re told to pray ceaselessly and to cast every anxiety to the mighty hand of God (1 Peter 5:7), it is not as if we must submit our prayers for review before presenting them to the King. We have “boldness and access with confidence” through our faith in Christ (Ephesians 3:12). We’re told to draw near to the throne of grace “with confidence” (Hebrews 4:16). Yes, prayer is a weakness for us. But “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words” (Romans 8:26).

Still, it would be foolish to ignore what Scripture has to say about prayer. And I can think of at least three ways that Scripture can teach us how to pray. First, and most obvious, Scripture can explicitly tell us how to pray. Second, we can find examples in Scripture. Third, and maybe most interesting, we can identify what Scripture says is true about prayer, and then mold our prayers to be consistent with those truths. I’m going to focus on this last one, but the first two will offer support for my conclusions about the third.

In quite a few places, Scripture tells us that when we pray for something, we can have full assurance that we will receive it. To name a few such instances:

• “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).
• “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” (Mark 11:24).
• “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son” (John 14:3).
• “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you” (John 15:7).

According to Scripture, when we pray for something, we will receive it. That’s a fact. But does that strike you as true about your prayers? When I reflect on my prayers, this is not always true. I have prayed for things that I never received, like snow days back in second grade.

Unless Jesus lied to us, there’s only one explanation. Our prayers are not proper prayers. We’re not praying correctly. In order for our prayers to accurately be called prayers, they must be consistent with what Scripture says about prayer. Scripture makes a clear statement about prayer — if you ask, it will be given to you. If that’s not true about our prayers, we need to rethink how we pray.

In particular, we need to pray in such a way that Jesus’ claim about prayer remains true. Whatever we pray for, we must be able to say with confidence that God will do it for us. There are a couple of ways to accomplish this. First, you can filter your prayers and only request those things that God has already promised to provide. This is what we see Jesus do in the Lord’s Prayer. There’s nothing Jesus prays for that God hasn’t already promised to do. With this prayer, Jesus is really just reiterating things that God has already promised to faithfully provide. In this way, prayer is really just a means of inviting yourself up into the promises of God.

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil” (Matthew 6:9-13).

But that’s not the only way to keep your prayers consistent with Scripture. Still without violating Scripture’s claims about prayer, it’s possible to pray for that which God may or may not provide. Jesus prayed, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me” (Luke 22:42). As we all know, God didn’t remove the cup from him. On the surface, this seems to contradict Jesus’ own words that if you ask, it will be given to you. However, Jesus didn’t end his prayer there. He continued, “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done” (Luke 22:42).

So there’s an attitude or orientation you can possess during prayer that safeguards its consistency with Scripture, even when you make requests that God may not fulfill. James confirms this when he writes that “you ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly” (James 4:3). According to James, there’s a correct way to pray that is entirely independent of what you pray for. You can come to God with a lower will that desires any good thing, so long as you qualify your requests by maintaining a higher will that perpetually says to God, “Thy will be done.” That’s not to say your lower will won’t express strong desires. Jesus prayed so intensely for God to take away his cup that “his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground” (Luke 22:44). Clearly, you can approach the throne in agony with earnest requests that God will not necessarily honor without invalidating your prayer, so long as you subordinate those earnest requests to a deeper desire for God to realize his own, far better plan.

Next time you pray, ask yourself if you can say with certainty that you will be fully satisfied with God’s answer to your prayer. Jesus said, “Ask, and it will be given to you.” If there is any possible outcome that will make Jesus out to be a liar, you need to modify your prayer. You might need to change what you’re praying for, or you may need to work harder to cultivate a higher will that seeks first God’s will for his kingdom.